


Ugh, As if!

by okie_dokie_artichokie



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018)
Genre: Clueless AU, M/M, Maylor - Freeform, and brian is josh, bi roger, freddie is dion, john is tai, roger is cher, slight jimcury
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-10-24 18:53:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17709665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okie_dokie_artichokie/pseuds/okie_dokie_artichokie
Summary: Inspired by fatbottomedstyles post on tumblr (borhap boys as rom com heart throbs: a moodboard series), which was just so unbearably cute and incredibly well thought out.In which Roger is a blonde bimbo with too much money on his daddy's credit card. Freddie is the stylish best friend with the world's sweetest boyfriend, Jim. John is so over everyone always trying to give him a makeover. And Brian is the college student who helps Roger's dad with his research.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Credit again to fatbottomedstyles on tumblr for the inspiration.
> 
> Might be a second chapter in store for this weekend. We’ll see how school pans out. Visit my blog (killerqueenprompts) and send me more prompts, pretty please.

Roger Meadows Taylor was a complex individual. But then again, so were most high school students his age. If you asked him to place the oceans on a map, he’d probably draw a blank. On the other hand, ask him about Vivienne Westwood’s new fall line, and he could describe each look with fierce accuracy, right down to the very fabric she used.

This in mind, it was no surprise he got along so well with his best mate, Freddie Bulsara, also known as “Freddie Mercury”. He was a dynamic showman with a bold personality. Freddie and his family had moved from Zanzibar the summer before starting Year Ten. Since then, he and Roger had become inseparable.

The two drove to school together in the morning, Roger at the wheel, picking Freddie up along the way. Neither had their license yet. But they figured two permits was just as good. Besides, if they waited for Roger to pass his driving test, they’d be waiting a lifetime. Roger was a horrible driver.

“You know you just passed that stop sign, right darling?”

“No I didn’t.”

Freddie laughed. “Yes, yes you did. I can’t believe I let you drive us. Are you sure you don’t need glasses?”

“Of course not.” Of course he did. “Besides,” he flashed a cheeky smile, “they wouldn’t go with this outfit.”

It was a testament to his stubbornness and Freddie couldn’t help but laugh again. He rested one hand on his book bag and the other on the stresser bar. It was a turbulent ride, but eventually they got where they were going, straight to the school parking lot.

When they got out of the car, Jim greeted Freddie with a kiss on the cheek. Freddie returned the gesture with a huge grin. Jim was Freddie’s boyfriend of nearly two years, but every time they saw each other, it was like the first. On instinct, it made Roger a little sick to see them so lovestruck all the time. But beyond his natural inclination to vomit in the nearest trash bin, he was actually really happy for his friend. Jim treated him with respect, like no other guy had before. And at the end of the day, that was all Roger really wanted for his friend. That, and maybe a partner of his own.

Unfortunately though, their high school population was bottom-of-the-barrel. Nobody here suited his taste. Sure he’d made out with a couple of jocks and cheerleaders behind the stadium bleachers before. But at the end of the day, he didn’t fancy a single one. They just didn’t fit into his lifestyle.

Roger locked the car and the three walked across campus to their first class. There, John was waiting patiently for them by the door. While Jim and Freddie said their goodbyes, Roger strode over to John.

John Deacon was the newest edition to their tight-knit group. He’d transferred schools in the fall and wound up in their custody after Freddie decided the boy “desperately” needed a makeover. The transformation stuck for about a week, before John went back to his T-shirts and jeans. It didn’t really matter though. John was so pleasant and amiable, he didn’t need a pair of Calvin Kleins to make him attractive. He had a kind heart and a sharp wit. More importantly, he put up with Roger and Fred.

“Did you do your homework,” John asked, pulling away from the door’s frame.

“I didn’t not do it.”

John gave a disapproving look.

Later that afternoon, after Roger had driven all his friends home, he pulled into his driveway and glared at the sight before him. Parked around the corned of the house was a white car. There was nothing significant about the car itself. The owner however…

“Brian. I see you’re still pretending you live here,” Roger greeted a curly-haired college student as he rounded the foyer to the living room.

Brian looked up from a mess of papers strewn across the coffee table. He had a pen in his right hand and clicked it shut when he noticed the blonde. “Hello Roger. Make anyone cry today?”

He smiled at Roger, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Instead, it was arbitrary and downright annoying.

“You’re hilarious. Don’t you have anything nice to say. This isn’t even your house, remember?”

“You’re the one that came in to bother me. I’m just here to help your father with his research, remember?”

Roger hummed an unappreciative groan. How could he forget? Brian was a science major at his school with an interest in astrophysics. For the past six months, he’d been helping his father work out a theory on astro-… molecular-… something or whatever. Roger didn’t really pay much mind to their work.

In regards to Brian though, Roger supposed he wasn’t all bad. Arguably, he was even a little cute. He had long, curly brown hair that reached his shoulders, soft green eyes, and a nice smile when it wasn’t making fun of Roger. Therein lies the problem. Brian was a genius and so in tuned to their political climate. He made Roger feel stupid. Then because Roger felt stupid, he lashed out at Brian, and thus began the never-ending cycle of bitter rivalry.

“Well I’ve got some homework to do in my room. Call me down before you leave?”

Brian turned his attention back to his work.

“So you can wish me ‘goodbye’?”

Roger turned for the staircase.

“No, so I can make sure the door hits you on the way out,” he winked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few more nods to the original Clueless in this chapter. Just because I can't help myself. ("'You're such a brat!")

It was around 6:30 by the time Roger finished the bulk of his assignments.

He checked the time on his clock and then looked out the window. There were no cars in the driveway besides his and Brian's.

It was 6:30 and his father still wasn't home.

Roger looked back at the clock and sighed. This was becoming ritualistic. Roger's father would work at the office all day night, leaving Roger at home by himself for hours on end, with nothing to do but wait for him to come home. And while he appreciated the independence to do what he wanted, he also missed their family dinners and time together. He brought this up in conversation once, and his father respond by pointing out how Roger wasn't  _technically_ alone in the house. Brian was there too, working on his research four days out of the seven.

Roger didn't want Brian though.

Roger moved toward the stairs and lingered in the hallway. Downstairs, he could hear Brian working studiously in his father's absence. He didn't understand how Brian could devote so much of his spare time to science. He was a college student after all. After sitting in lectures all day, didn't he want to be doing something more interesting with his time? Like going to a party? Or a movie? Maybe even finding a girlfriend? Leave it to boring Brian to choose homework over hooking up. Roger briefly wondered if Brian had ever even kissed a girl. He smiled at the thought of someone trying to kiss Brian.

They'd need a ladder.

Roger was pulled from his thought suddenly when his cell started to ring. When he saw his father's name on the caller ID, he happily picked up.

"Are you on your way home?"

"No, but I'm leaving in about twenty minutes. Do you think you can heat up some dinner and I'll eat when I get home?"

"Ugh, I don't want what's in the freezer." Roger knew what was in the freezer: frozen vegetables and mystery meat, predating the dinosaurs. "How about I run and get take out?"

"No, you don't have a licence." His father sounded stern over the phone and he had reason to be. Over the past month, Roger had managed to get himself into  _two_ speeding tickets. He didn't even think they gave tickets to student drivers.

Roger all but whined into the receiver. "But I have a permit! And it's just down the street. I'll be careful, I promise."

Roger waited for what seemed like a lifetime before hearing his father sigh. "Is Brian there?"

"Yeah...?" Roger didn't like where this was headed.

"Then you can go-But! you have to take Brian with you." Before Roger could argue, he explained, "He's the only one in that house with a license right now and we can't afford you getting pulled over a third time this month. Do you understand?"

Of course Roger understood. He didn't want to concede, but he understood. When neither spoke for a beat too long, Roger's father spoke again.

"Do you-?"

"Yes, I understand! I'll take the nerd with me..."

After exchanging their goodbyes, Roger flipped the lid on his cell and shoved it back into his pocket, groaning all the while. 

Downstairs, Brian stopped what he was doing and looked up when Roger entered the room.

"What was all that about?"

Roger threw himself down on the couch. "We're going to go pick up dinner."

Brian looked at the blonde with some skepticism. "Oh,  _we_ are, are we?"

Roger didn't know why he assumed Brian would just go along with whatever he said. No, Brian had to question things. He tried to sound nonchalant, hopeful that Brian wouldn't press too much.

"Dad said that if you went with me, then we could pick it up before he got home."

That seemed to satisfy Brian a bit, and he stood from his end of the couch. "Alright. Where are my keys, then? I'll drive us."

"What? No, I'll drive!"

Brian made no attempt to hide his laughter. "I've seen you drive. You're not driving us."

"I'm a good driver! I just... need a little practice is all... Plus you've got a license and you'll be in the car with me, it's still light out, this will be a perfect opportunity to learn! C'mon, Brian... please?"

There were a lot of things in life Roger felt he could improve at. Driving was number one. Science was a close second. But he was confident in his ability to persuade people into doing what he wanted. He'd flash his baby-blues and bat an eyelash or two and anyone within eyeline was suddenly putty in his hands. He prided himself on this ability and counted on it to get his way. This was no exception. He turned his gaze toward Brian and jutted his lip out.

"Please?"

Brian looked at Roger like he'd grown a second head.

"You think you can get whatever you want by being cute? One day, you're going to wake up and realize the world doesn't revolve around you, Roger."

"Ugh!" Roger pushed himself up off the couch and stormed out of the living room. Before he was out of earshot, Brian called out.

"You're such a brat!"

 

 

After a short recovery from their feud, Roger marched out to the driveway to find Brian already behind the wheel. He swallowed his pride and opened the passengers door and sat inside. He made no attempt at conversation and instead stared out the window.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Brian switched on the radio and stationed it to a segment on Global Warming.

Roger pulled a face. "Do we  _have_ to listen to that? I mean, it's a radio, there's dozens of other stations to choose from."

Brian tried his best to ignore Roger's attitude. "You know, you could really benefit from listening to talk like this. It's more intellectual than a copy of Cosmopolitan. You might actually learn something."

And there it was again, the root of all their problems: Brian thought Roger was a ditz.

"Is that what you think I do all day? Sit around and read magazines?"

Brian knew he'd struck a chord when he turned his head toward Roger and saw the hurt expression on his face. He hadn't mean to hurt the younger boy's feelings.

"No Rog, of course n-"

"I'm not an idiot, Brian."

And just like that, the conversation ended as quickly as it began. Roger went back to staring out the passenger's side window and Brian kept his eyes on the road. Neither said anything for the rest of the ride.

When they got to the restaurant, Brian offered to go in and get their order. His offer earned no response from the blonde, so he quietly shut the door and moved inside. When he came back with bags of food, he saw Roger still staring out the window.

Brian sighed to himself. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

He knocked on the driver's side window with his free hand and motioned for Roger to crank the window down.

"How would you like to drive us home?"

Roger didn't believe him at first. "Really?"

"Sure. It's just a five minute drive. I'm sure it will be alright." Brian tried to play it off cool, but truth be told, he wasn't sure they'd make it home in one piece with Roger driving. But this seemed to excite Roger, who jumped out of the car and hurried over to sit behind the wheel. Brian exhaled a nervous breath and sat down in the vacant seat with dinner in his lap.

This would be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken me so long to update. Every time I think I'm going to get a free night, another one of my professors assigns me another essay. Sundays are the only day I don't have class or homework, so you can expect updates on Sundays now. Let me know what you think in the comments. I appreciate all the kudos and kind words you guys have left me. It makes me so happy to see you enjoying my work. ❤ Stay tuned for a driving lesson in the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yesterday after class, I stopped by the mall and picked up some 90's inspired fashion. Then this morning, I had a little fashion show in my room to get myself in the mood for this fic. Hopefully you all have as much fun reading this as I did writing it. 😊

Brian was relieved to see Roger smiling again when he sat down at the wheel. But the feeling was short lived once Roger put the vehicle in drive and the car jerked forward.

They moved roughly a foot before the front tire collided with the cement curb-block.

"Oh..." Roger turned to face Brian with a sheepish look on his face, "...sorry."

Brian tried to stay calm.

"That's okay. Just... put it in reverse. You had it going the opposite direction we needed to go."

"Well it'd be easier if these gear shifts were properly labeled. 'P-R-N-D-L' doesn't exactly tell me much now, does it?"

"It stands for Parking, Reverse, Neutral, Drive, and Low Gear."

"Right, well I'll just put it in 'R' and we'll get going." Brian watched as Roger put the car in reverse and slowly inched out of the lot. After a few starts and stops, they pulled out onto the main road and he put it in drive again.

"Okay, you're doing good," Brian praised the blonde. "Just mind the turns, okay?"

"I know what I'm doing now," Roger smiled, eyes on the road, "I've got this!"

Brian tried to smile back, but he wasn't sure. Maybe Roger was feeling better about this driving situation, but Brian was still very on edge and very worried for their safety.

"In fact, I was thinking about taking my driving test next month. Then I'll have my license and I won't need to worry about having another driver in the car."

"Don't you already do that in the mornings... with Freddie?"

Roger looked thoughtful as he turned down another road. Brian clutched at the bag of food in his lap, careful to steady it. "Well, yeah. But Freddie is really close to getting his license too and sometimes Jim is in the car with us and he has a licence."

"I don't think that's how it works."

"Okay, so what? Did _you_ wait until you got your license before you started driving?"

"I did, actually."

Brian caught sight of Roger rolling his eyes. "Of _course_ you did."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm just saying... you always do everything by the book, Brian. Don't you think that's a little boring? Because I do."

Brian didn't know how to defend himself. He'd been called a lot of things before, but never 'boring'. Brian didn't think he was boring. He thought he was pretty interesting. He had hobbies and a job and lots of achievements. He played guitar sometimes, he watched the news; He knew what was going on in the world around him. And unlike Roger, he understood other people.

"The world doesn't bend for everyone, Roger. Not all of us can get away with whatever we'd like. If I get a speeding ticket, I can't just ask  _Daddy_ to pay for it. It cost money.  _My_ money. And see, that's the problem. People with money think that anything's allowed, so long as they pay a fine. Nothing's really  _illegal_."

Roger was quiet for a bit and Brian assumed he'd made his point. That was, until Roger finally said something a minute later.

"No, I think you're just boring. And maybe a little condescendi- _shit!_ " Brian was left wondering what Roger was about to say when suddenly the car swerved off the road. Roger struggled to regain control of the wheel, and the two rode over two yards of loose gravel before coming to a stop in the grass. Their bumpy encounter had bounced Brian and Roger out of their seats and back down again. Up and down and up and down before coming to a halt. Fortunately for Brian and Roger, they had been wearing their seatbelts. But then there was the bag of food. Brian was now wearing half of on his shirt. He even had a little bit of sauce in his curls. The two were stunned and breathing heavily. But when Brian regained some of his composure, he looked to Roger as if to say  _'What happened?'_

Roger slowly turned toward Brian, his shaky hands never leaving the wheel, and sobbed with big tears in his eyes.

"I think I just hit a squirrel..."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the second half of the chapter I wanted to give you guys last week, but I kept falling asleep and couldn't finish it. Again, I really appreciate all the support you've shown me. Even if I only update once a week, it feels good to dust off the cobwebs and start writing again.

**Author's Note:**

> **notes: A short start, I know. But it’s midnight here and I have work to do in the morning. At least I managed to introduce everyone. I tried to make it light-hearted and give off a 90′s vibe. I opted out of the ex-step siblings relationship that the original Clueless had, because that dynamic always made me a little uncomfortable honestly. Let me know what ideas you have and shoot me an ask with some other prompts.


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